In regards to how easy it is for me to stop an argument, it honesty varies, depending on the argument.
There have been a ton of arguments I have been in where I am able to listen, calmly, and really make an attempt to understand where the other person is coming from. My advice for this, is to kind of follow in the footsteps of the book. If you are able to just bite your tongue (and there have been MANY times where I have literally done so) and listen to what they’re saying, it ends up benefiting you tremendously. If you REALLY pay attention to what they’re saying, and you really HEAR them (because to me there is a huge difference between listening and hearing) it is going to end up making a difference to you both in the end. Odds are if you are arguing with someone, you must respect them on some level (or else you probably wouldn’t waste your time...I hope), so have enough respect to try to really understand their “I-Statements” like you’d want them to hear yours. I know it sounds corny, but it’s true. Also, you never know if maybe you previously misconstrued something that was said, and it could clear up the issue pretty quickly.
If I cannot actually stop and listen to someone because I am so upset with them, I typically just take a break from them. I’ll tell them that I can’t have a conversation with them and that I need some time. However, I will typically avoid talking to them about a topic I know will spark an issue until I have already calmed down.
“In regards to how easy it is for me to stop an argument, it honesty varies, depending on the argument.”
ReplyDeleteYour point on variability is an important one, and one too often left out of the discussion. The reaction I have to a conflict with my parents is entirely different from when i’m engaged in conflict with my close friends. I often take the relationships I have with my family for granted, I’m much more likely to say hurtful and harsh things to them because I know that whatever stupid thing I may say about the TV remote, that will never end our relationship. Our relationship with our friends, along with context, often determine our behavior. Therefore my initial reaction in a conflict scenario will be drastically different if it involved a casual acquaintance or a friend of a friend. Our comfort level differs drastically from when dealing with our parents, leading to caution in the way we initiate conflict.
Definitely depends on what the argument is for me as well to stop an argument. Sometimes I literally just get up and walk away in a middle of an argument. Especially when I am speaking and acting very calmly and they are yelling and getting up in my face. When someone is speaking to me calmly I too will stay calm. When someone becomes hostile and yelling, I sometimes get all crazy and start yelling back. Or , I just laugh in their face. Sometimes it's hard to take someone seriously when they are getting all worked up. People's mad faces are funny.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI think that your advise to take a timeout if you can't stop and listen when in a conflict is good advise. I 100% agree with you that actually listening to what the other person is saying can be greatly beneficial to both parties in the conflict. We would want others to listen to our "I statements" so we should extend the same courtesy. I also agree that there is a huge difference between hearing and listening. I took interpersonal communications last semester and this was one of the topics we discussed. The good thing about communication is that if we have poor skills it is possible to improve them.