CHAPTER 3

I thought it was interesting reading about the different types of options and their effects when dealing with conflict.

In my family, we're very assertive communicators, so, initially, it was odd for me to read about people who are not able to say their opinion and get their message across because there is no such thing as passive-aggressive behavior or nonassertive behavior in my family, and I must say that as I was reading I was sort of smug because I was thinking to myself, "we must be pretty good communicators because we don't neglect to give our opinions."

I was wrong.

In my family, we don't always use effective means of communication because often times we feel that if we are able to hurt the other person, we can "win" the argument (side note: In another class I am taking they make a point that Aristotle believed that the point of communication was to discover the truth rather than to win an argument. I thought this was relevant because it doesn't make a different if you are the "winner" if you still leave not knowing the origins of the issues or have a definite conclusion).

Something that I thought of was what my dad used to tell me when I would get into fights with my mom because I thought she was wrong: "Would you rather be happy or right?" and, though I used to tell him being right WOULD make me happy, he had a great point. By meeting her half way and seeing her point of view, it would allow her to see mine and we could both be happy.

Back to the original point I was making (I know I talk a lot..now you can see why I am studying communications), My family is typically more focused on "winning" than resolving, which is why patterns are consistent, and we very frequently verbally attack each other in doing this.

One sentence from the text that stuck out to me was [relating to managing conflict]: "it requires that a person believe that the concerns of the other person are as important as one's own and adopt the goal of finding mutually satisfying solutions to problems and resolutions of issues, which takes time and effort," (pg 57). I really liked this because it reminded me of what we discussed previously about meeting people half-way and seeing their view. People need to realize that they can get more bees with honey than vinegar, so if they are able to try to make someone else happy, it can often lead to good things for them.