What I've Learned

This semester, I've learned quite a lot.

First of all, that conflict isn't a bad thing. It's a great way to solve issues that have already occurred and prevent issues from becoming larger than necessary. If one is able to properly address conflict, it really does not need to be a larger issues.

STLC: This is a great tool, and I am glad I was able to learn about it. I think that part of my problem in conflict before taking this course was that I was so quick to interrupt others and not listen to them because I did not always find their feelings to be valid because they were not how I was viewing the situation. However, now I am aware of how to stop, think, listen, and communicate with the person with whom I have a conflict.

I-Feelings are huge, too. I have always had a tendency do assign my feelings to someone else and make them own how I was feeling instead of owning my own feelings, which is wrong. In order to truly solve a problem and avoid defensiveness, it is important to OWN how we are feeling rather than make it someone else's doing.


I think learning about different types of communicators was helpful for me, too, because I learned the ways in which my style was ineffective. I always thought that I was good at communicating because I always gave my opinion. Although this does have its pros, it also can make situations worse by being too assertive and not listening to the other's side and actually HEARING them.

Also, i thought that it was extremely beneficial to learn about mediation. Throughout life, you will be stuck in the middle of an issue and it's a great skill to know how to maturely and fairly. I think that in knowing rules that the mediator is supposed to follow (equal speaking time, no assisting in the conclusion, no personal attacks, ect) is helpful. It was also helpful because these same rules can be applied if I am ever in a situation that is being mediated, I am aware of how I should be acting and what is normal.

ch. 16/2

I truly enjoyed the content of this class this semester. Before I took it, I always viewed conflict as being something completely negative and something that always just ends in an argument until people are able to pull it together and come to some sort of conclusion about why they're upset and how they can resolve the issue they are dealing with. I appreciated that the book was really easy to read and had a lot of great information that was relevant and I could apply to my life. I also liked that we did the blog. Because I prefer live interaction and we did not have a time when we actually met as a class, I appreciated that we still had interaction and were able to collect ideas from others in the class.

I am not a fan of online classes, so any issues I had with the class directly relate to that. I didn't like that I wasn't able to get a write out for the blog entires so I knew what was wrong with them and could get a better grade. I also like having an actual relationship with my teacher, which, in my opinion, is sort of hard to do when the class is online.

I would 100% recommend this class to others. I think it has a great amount of life skills (like all COMM classes do) and would be very beneficial. I think if people were able to get a better idea of how to deal with conflict, they would not have such a negative view of it. I think even if you're not a communication studies major,it's great to know because you will ALWAYS have to deal with conflict, no matter who you are, where you work, or what you do.

CH. 16/1

I think the reason people typically have a negative view of conflict is because they are intimidated by it because it involves, as most people think, either having to let someone attack them in some way, or having to deal with someone who has hurt them in some way, which can be really painful. Many people are probably also view conflict negatively because they end up not fully resolving their issue, and if they do, the channels they use are probably not the most effective.  If you are able to successfully address and manage conflict, it is not necessarily a horrible situation. Although conflict can be uncomfortable, if it is handled responsibly, it is much less so. I do think that as people learn more about conflict they fear it less because it starts being viewed as something that is actually really helpful, not hurtful. If you are able to handle conflict in such a way that is productive, it will most likely end well with mutually satisfying results that both parties are pleased with. 

12/3

One issues that I could relate to was overblown conflict. The first story that came into my head was actually on Christmas Eve when my family was on our annual trip to the Stanford Shopping Center in Palo Alto.  (Background: I live with my aunt, uncle and two cousins). Anyway, I had just been going through a lot because of some issues my mom was having and it was really close to the two year anniversary of my dad's death, so, needless to say, I was on edge and emotionally exhausted (probably physically, too). Anyway, I wanted to go into Tori Burch (a high-end store) and my cousin said something along the lines of, "why would you go in there," or something like that. To me, she sounded really condescending because I wanted to go in there, so I sort of snapped at her. It ended up causing a small altercation between the two of us and we ended up not talking Eventually, she (I think) came over to me and we talked it out. I apologized to her for losing my temper. I explained that I was really stressed out with issues in my family, and she sounded like she was judging my taste (or whatever).

Point being, it's really easy to just take the blame in your life out on someone else, but it is really important to try your hardest not to. Luckily for me, my cousins are sisters to me so I know that no matter the fight, we'll be okay. However, acting like this will not always guarantee a relationship at the end, because I know I would refuse to constantly be involved with someone who wasn't able to target their emotions properly.

week 12/2

Ch 12.

I have made internal attributions about other people before and it is horrible to do. For example, if I have ever heard something about someone and I then treat them the way that I have heard I should. For example, if I have heard that someone is extremely dumb, I might respond by sort of automatically assuming they can't understand what it is I'm saying (subconsciously or consciously) and this could easily irritate me. I think it's really important to understand that people have "off" days and that people also perceive things differently because it's all subjective.

However, I used to work at a hotel and I would assume that because they were staying at a resort, they had some money to spend. I would make sure I was extremely nice to all guests because that way I would be more likely to be tipped. Also, I would be EXTRA friendly with guests who I knew had been drinking because I had experienced that they would be buddy-buddy with me if I was friendly and funny when around them and they'd tip me well.

Honestly, attitude means a great deal in life. If you are making things up in your head that you find to be true about someone or a situation, it could totally work against you. Then again, it could work in your favor if you use it more positively.

week 12/1

CH 10:

When I googled the words Forgiveness and Reconciliation, many religious websites came up with way of how to forgive/reconcile, as well as the benefits of doing so.  As for Revenge, the majority of what I saw was information regarding TV shows.

When I looked, the term Revenge had more results by quite a large amount. Honestly, this doesn't shock me at all because of the sites that were producing information regarding the word. Today, people are fixated on TV and all of the drama, which very frequently comes with types of vengeful acts occurring. These types of events exist not only in the Soaps and on other types of dramas like Desperate Housewives  but also on reality TV.  For example, I LOVE the show Jersey Shore  (YOU KNOW IT'S GOOD!). For those who watch it, Mike is always trying to do something to produce drama and "get back" and the other members of the household. Also, this is extremely present on game-type shows that involve money, like Survivor.  Although I don't watch Survivor, I know that teammates will fight against each other and do horrible things to settle the score. I think we, as viewers, like to watch things like this is because we see things that we ourselves wouldn't do (or would like to think we don't do). Plus, let's be honest, we like to watch programs that are more focused on the drama; I think few people go out of their way to watch a show where people are forgiving each other and moving forward from issues regarding their relationship. I think most people say that they hate drama (myself included), but I think that's more relevant so long as it's not YOUR life involving drama; I think we all like to hear about situations with others. This is why most people LOVE a "good" secret and like to watch [trashy] TV.

week 10/3

I thought it was interesting how the text talked about how neglecting to forgive can have both physical and mental consequences. I had never thought of it before, but it makes total sense to me. For myself, when I am holding onto something, it makes me physically exhausted. For example, my family was having some pretty big issues a while back and I didn't know how to deal with the situation in terms of forgiveness. For a while, I was always extremely tired and lacked all the enthusiasm that I normally have because I was carrying all of this within me. However, when I was able to take a step back and analyze the situation differently, it made me feel SO much better. I had so much more energy and was much happier. I think when we don't forgive, we hold onto that stress, and stress causes great health effects.